Due to a delay in our school’s construction, our girls have been gifted an additional week of virtual learning at home with us. It’s not ideal, but it’s also not the end of the world either. Actually, there’s probably an opportunity here once I take a few deep breaths and realize that it’s ok when things don’t go according to my plans. Story of my life. So, we’re adapting. The reality is, we weren’t really ready for the whole exercise of getting up in the mornings, packing lunches, and getting out of the house on time to drive to school anyway. Today for example they definitely would have been late. The challenge is, none of us have gotten up before 8am since the Winter Solstice in December, which means that for over three weeks now, we’ve been rising with the sun (a much more natural rhythm for our bodies). Following this rhythm has helped us rest better and have more energy for the day, but apparently that’s not what the rest of society wants to do so… This is how I now find myself at the beginning of the second week of January, a full eight days into the new year, still trying to find my flow. 

My daughters attend a self directed learning school (I’ve written about it before here) where the focus is on students determining how to spend their time, with adults serving as guides to help them find their path. It’s unconventional (which I love) except when you consider that as adults, that’s exactly what they’ll be responsible for doing, so perhaps more conventional than we realize. In fact, it’s actually the best way to learn. People are motivated by autonomy, mastery, and purpose, even children (and perhaps especially children). It’s a shame our education system is designed to suffocate these intrinsic motivations for learning, but I digress. That’s a topic for another blogpost. 

One of the things I appreciate most about our learning model, despite the growing pains of what it means to relinquish control to a child of any age, is the built in apparatus of flow. In order for the kids to accomplish anything meaningful, they’ve got to find their sweet spot for getting things done. You’re familiar with it as an adult. Think of the times when you’re in the zone with work or something you love doing. For me that’s writing, designing content, and planning. I can get lost for hours doing the things I love. The goal for our kids is that they’ll find themselves getting into flow as they structure their time around pursuing their passions. Now, I recognize that this can be harder to do for some things than others, but for the type of meaningful work that Cal Newport writes about in his book Deep Work, it’s necessary for our sakes in order to produce high quality results. We want this for our kids.

For too many people, particularly adults, the way we’re working isn’t working. Yet I’m convinced that this doesn’t have to be the case. Sure there’s always going to be stuff that we have to get done simply because it needs to get done. And those things won’t always “spark joy” for us. But I’m talking about organizing our time and energy in order to prioritize the most important things. 

So yesterday we had a family meeting and discussed what this might look like for us as we start the year at home while their school is readying to re-open. How might we organize our schedule so that everyone gets some of the deep work time that they need? What are folks most interested in accomplishing this week? My oldest talked about working on a leadership badge where she wanted us to take a field trip and she needed to know the best days we would be available to do so. My youngest (five years old) whose schooling is more of a Montessori approach asked how she was going to practice her reading and math with since she’s used to working with peers. Olivia has a goal of making significant progress with sixth grade math on Khan Academy and London (always the competitor) wants to do the same with her reading and math platform for second grade. 

Meanwhile, I’ve been carefully curating my schedule so that I can do my best work, designing and writing in the mornings in peace and quiet, and meetings in the afternoons. With the change in plans for this week we had to adapt, but my hope is that for each of us we can still experience those moments of flow. Right now as I type this, I’m sitting in my office chair by the window, with my dog at my feet in silence. The girls are upstairs working away and I don’t expect to see or hear from them until noon. My wife has even gotten our youngest (the five year old) settled and working on something productive (shout out to glue that keeps our family together!). I can already sense that we’re in the zone. 

And because I couldn’t make this up, on cue I hear our five year old walk down the stairs and proudly announce, I’m done! Time for the next pivot, I’m sure we’ll figure it out. Finding flow might be elusive, but it doesn’t have to be impossible. 

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