Nearly 22 years I worked up the courage to ask out a girl who lived two floors above me in my freshmen dorm. I’d seen her everyday, quietly minding her own business coming in and out to track practice or somewhere else. We had mutual friends who conspired to get us together. We even sang in the gospel choir and had a math class together. Yet, it wasn’t until one fateful Thursday evening when we found ourselves alone in Ren and Alex’s room when we finally decided to strike up a conversation. The rest is history, 3 years of dating, 19 years of marriage, 4 kids, numerous ups and downs, and the story continues. We had no idea what we were getting into, some days we still don’t as we stare down the barrel of raising teenage daughters! But that’s sort of the whole point isn’t it? We never know how things are going to turn out, The best we can do is consciously put one foot in front of the other, with hope, intention, and presence.  

It took me a while to appreciate this journeying aspect to life. As a kid, when you grow up in a somewhat chaotic environment you learn early that life is unpredictable and so I became hard wired to control as much as I could. As any conscious adult will tell you though, there’s a limit to what we can control. Daily I’m reminded by my daughters that not only am I wrong about something, but also they’re likely right. Go figure. 

So I’m learning to release my obsession with controlling outcomes, and embrace what it means to be on a journey. No where is this more true than in my evolution as a professional right now. Here’s what’s interesting, I feel like I’m further along in learning this lesson as a husband and father. I’m very clear that as a family we’re on a journey, and rather than set goals for the girls we set goals with them. We decide as a family how we want to be, what we want to do, and then we pursue it together. If I’m being honest, perhaps I’m not quite as agnostic as I’d like to be (I have strong opinions that tend to seep out from time to time). But, I’d like to think that I’m not as tightly bound to my own singular ideas… yeah as I write that perhaps I see the pattern now lol. Whenever I feel like the stakes are high, that’s when my appetite to “enjoy the journey” diminishes.  But here’s the thing, are the stakes ever really as high as we believe them to be? I’m not so sure. 

Back to my professional life, for the past few years I’ve been living the entrepreneur life and with it the unpredictable nature of steady work. Talk about high stakes- I’m constantly worried about long term sustainability even when we have more than enough in the short term. For a person who prioritizes stability at all costs, it has definitely come with it’s share of growing pains. But on the flip side, the autonomy and flexibility have allowed me to live the life of my dreams, both personally and professionally. And, most surprisingly, this is the most financially and professionally secure we’ve ever been, even now with a dual entrepreneur household. If you would have told me that several years ago I would have had a hard time believing it. Still, for better or for worse, this is the journey we have chosen. And similar to the one I’ve been on now for 22 years as a husband and 14 years as a father, it’s all about putting one foot in front of the other with hope, intention, and presence. 

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