Tomorrow morning we get on a plane to head to Costa Rica for a few weeks. I couldn’t be more excited, though perhaps it’s been hard to tell the way I’ve been “carrying on” over the past few days. In my frenzy to make sure every eventuality is prepared for, I may have stressed out both myself and my family. We go through this cycle each time we prepare for a long (and possibly short) trip. I lean heavily into my planning strength, which offers real benefits. We have checklists and dry erase board meetings, packing parties and repacking tantrums (mostly mine). My goal usually is to both pack everything we might possibly need, while simultaneously packing as little as possible. It’s kind of hard to do both well. Inevitably and without fail, we always end up forgetting something. A few days ago I made the mistake of even “jinxing” myself by remarking to my wife, I think we may have actually packed perfectly this time. Uh oh. We’ll see about that.

When I travel I learn new things about myself. As I prepare for this trip, I’m noticing a new (to me) emotion that’s trying to emerge during the planning process: joy. Anxiety, fear, and frustration, those I’m familiar with. In fact, I came across a recent journal entry reminding myself of the benefit for these so called “negative emotions”. I captured these reflections the last time we traveled extensively because as you might imagine, this is a reoccurring pattern that I wanted to understand about myself.

Note: this information is taken from the book, Permission to Feel which I read a few years back. Negative emotions have a constructive function- they help narrow and focus our attention.  Negative emotions make us weigh facts carefully and err on the side of caution. Anxiety narrows our attention and improves our focus on details. Anxiety is a signal that we feel something important is beyond our control, worry about future uncertainty. Fear is the sense that danger is ahead. Pressure is the force from the outside that tells us something important is at stake. Stress is what we feel when we’re facing too many demands all at once, and fear we may not be up to it.

I feel all of these things when I travel, and for good reason. There are usually at least six of us (my wife and our four daughters ranging now from teenager to six years old), sometimes more when we add in extended family and pets. Our trips require a lot of coordination. I feel personally responsible for helping us navigate our travels safely. That takes up a lot of emotional bandwidth, usually leaving little time for some of the other positive emotions. By the time I arrive, there’s a good chance I’m already in a bad mood from carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. It takes me a while to truly unwind from all of that.

But, I’m learning that there’s a better way. Perhaps that’s why joy is showing up earlier than usual on this trip’. Usually I don’t see her until after we’ve arrived safely and I’m experiencing some evidence that everything is working out. Joy, and her cousin peace are here to help me chill out and possibly even enjoy the early parts of the journey. This is the phase when things are most unknown, all we have are our hopes about how things will turn out. Maybe we did pack better this time, because when I reach into my bag today, I’m finding two new companions of joy and peace. Now if only I could find that patience…

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