There we were, sitting around our kitchen table with the whiteboard and our notebooks getting ready for the first day of school. As a planner, it was my dream scenario, even though the conditions weren’t ideal. For each of my kids (and probably my wife as well), it was their nightmare. But, there we were, and I was determined to get the most out of this time. Unfortunately, that was the problem. I was too hard driven to make sure the girls were prepared for all the logistics of school, that I failed to think about all the other stuff. Thank God for a good partner. While I was focused on setting goals and scheduling our time, she was paying attention to the emotional state of our family. And folks were at their breaking point, myself included.

To understand how we got here, let’s rewind a few days. We’d just recently come back from our trip to Costa Rica. I’m still trying to figure out how to bring #puravida to Atlanta. Then, we realized that we had ALL the things to get done in less than a week. The girls (+my wife) had their multiple day hair braiding. We had pre-volleyball season practices (multiple times! I don’t know how this sports family thing is going to work for us…). I needed to re-acclimate myself to work (basically play catch up after weeks away). By the time the weekend before school came around, we still hadn’t finished school shopping (or laundry). We spent a good portion of Saturday and nearly all of Sunday running around. This type of hustle and bustle is my least favorite thing, especially on weekends. Meanwhile, we still hadn’t accomplished what I thought was the most important thing which is, we didn’t have a clear plan for the first month of school. The perfect storm of chaos was brewing, and I like to tackle chaos with control.

There’s a saying by Maslow, if the only tool you have is a hammer, it is tempting to treat everything as if it were a nail. I’ve developed more tools over the years, but my go to tool is still planning and control. These tools work well when applied correctly, at the right time and place. We did in fact need to know who would be where and when. But, what I was missing in that moment was the fact that everyone was tired. Some of us, myself included were a little bit anxious and nervous about the first day or first week. What the girls (and I guess myself too) needed first, was to process what was coming up for them.

My wife, ever the empath inserted the opportunity for us to pause. She invited (well, that’s a generous way to put it, more like she instructed) each of us to take several deep breaths as she lead us through a breathing exercise. Before that, even though I was a bit annoyed at the time and care she’d spent creating this elaborate meal, we had just sat down and eaten together at the table. She’s such an amazing cook… fried red snapper, collard greens, black eyed peas, mashed potatoes from scratch… First she made sure our stomachs were full, and then she made sure our hearts were full as well.

By the time we got around to setting intentions together about how we wanted the school year to feel, we were actually ready to engage in the conversation. I loved the intentions that the girls shared. Riley heading into high-school is focused on being productive. She’s looking forward to using her first official year of high school to get ahead on her self-directed learning journey as she maps out our coursework. Olivia’s word is smooth. She feels like now that she’s got the hang of middle school, she wants to find her working grove. London’s word is progress. She’s in third grade, but she’s excited to move into fourth grade level work (that’s the competitor in her). Sloane, our first grader wants to be focused. Good luck with that! My wife choose balance (of course) and I named pacing myself as my intentions for the start to the year. These are aspirational goals to be sure, and they provide direction for us. I look forward to revisiting them throughout the school year.

Yesterday the first day unfolded as you might imagine. We had a few hiccups, there were moments of surprise and nostalgia (we have a high schooler!). But in the end, we made it through. And that’s probably the approach I’ll need to take for each day. There are a lot of new moving pieces in our lives, but we’ll figure it out. Still, we’re pacing ourselves. The school year is a marathon, not a sprint. I remember that from my days as a teacher and it’s still a truism as a parent.

SDW3