It’s 10:30 am, I’m sitting at a doughnut shop near Old Fourth Ward and I’ve got a decision to make. Earlier this morning I’d dropped off my oldest daughter Riley at her apprenticeship at a nearby pet hospital where she’s shadowing a vet. Since I rarely come into the city (unless I have to), I scheduled a meeting with a colleague but now the meeting is over. I have to pick her up at 3pm in order to then get back in time for her and Olivia’s JV and Varsity volleyball games at 4:30. Do I stick around and work from here for the next few hours (and pay an obscene amount in parking fees)? Or, do I take an hour (30 minutes each way) to head back to my office where I can get some deep work done and join a few calls. Welcome to the Uber years, where as a parent I spend much of my time shuttling kids back and forth to activities in between working to actually pay for those activities. Oh the sacrifices we make to drive (literally and figuratively) our kids on the road to success.

I actually spent the first few minutes of my first meeting commiserating (ok, complaining) about this phenomenon of driving kids everywhere to activities. We both have tweens and teens and as we shared our similar drop off and pick up conundrums, it occurred to me that perhaps I was missing something beautiful in the process. I remember before I’d got my license how my mom, and sometimes my grandparents were my only mode of transportation to and from events. I was an active high schooler, marching band, school clubs and I worked multiple jobs. For my mother who was a single mom, I’m sure she felt overwhelmed and thankful to have an extended network around to support. That’s the purpose of the village right? (In fact, it’s the reason why our family moved back home to South Carolina while I was in middle school so that my sisters and I could have access to that broader village). To this day my grandmother likes to tell the stories of driving me back and forth to Charleston for different camps and governor’s school. Truth be told, I like to hear it because it reminds me of the investment of time and energy they all put into helping me be successful and find my way.

So it is with my wife and I now as Uber parents. We’re in a full season of life where every weekday there seems to be an activity, volleyball for the middle and high schoolers, homecoming, movies with the friends. And for our younger two (both still under the age of ten), it’s gymnastics and playdates. There was once a time when we swore off all activities. The pandemic gave us the “get out of jail” free card to say cancel everything. We loved our busy free life. We used it to travel together, eat consistent family dinners, and bond. We still do much of that, but things have definitely changed as the activities have creeped in. We find ourselves having conversations about what’s the right balance of activities and how do we manage our schedules together…

But there’s something to love about this phase now as well. This morning I was able to enjoy one on one time with Riles (precious time for a large family like ours) as I drove her to the apprenticeship. She’s now done half a dozen apprenticeships over the past few years and each time I get to see her grow in her confidence and curiosity. She’s gaining clarity about what she cares about and the impact she wants to make in the world. It reminds me of the lessons I learned in my early years working and attending leadership camps. None of that would have been possible without the support of my mom, grandparents, and our village that got me from one experience to the next. They were more than just shuttle drivers, they were like sherpas who also helped me to make sense of the experiences I was having.

My most memorable trip was being dropped off in Charleston one summer for a leadership camp that would last a week. It would be my first trip away from home for an extended period (the following summer I’d be dropped off for a full two months of governor’s school). My grandma was the one who ended up taking off of work to drive me nearly four hours to the camp. We stayed overnight in a motel the night beforehand. Apparently there was some kind of incident on the premises the night we stayed, and I remember her hurriedly getting us up to get out of there the following morning. She loves to tell that story as a reminder of the sacrifices that were made to get me to where I am today (to make sure I’m not getting too old for my britches she would say). But I also think she likes to tell it because it was a fond memory for the both of us.

I’ll probably never fully know how much sacrifice went into getting my siblings and I from one place to the next. However now as a parent I’m paying the service forward. I get to experience the joy of having a front row seat to watching them grow through these life changing experiences. Even if it’s from the driver’s seat, from my vantage point, it’s still the best seat along the ride.

SDW3