I never lose. I either win or learn. – Nelson Mandela

Welcome to an emo-Tuesday morning, where sometimes it seems like you’ll get lost in the emotions of the day before the day even begins. London (our 9 year old) woke up with a fever after going to bed early with an upset stomach. So, she wasn’t going to school. Meanwhile, in the never-ending morning struggles, Sloane (our 6 year old) had a full on melt down. I’m not sure if it was just a regular getting out of bed protest, or a reaction to her bunkmate’s illness. Eventually the wailing got to be just too much for me to indulge, so I told her she needed to pull it together and eat her breakfast. Meanwhile the older two girls sat minding their business, but were nonetheless innocent bystanders to my morning lecture about maintaining your composure when you’ve got a lot to get done. Sloane, clutching her blanket that she carries everywhere, didn’t seem the least bit compelled. Who knows, maybe the kid had it right all along. Perhaps the best response to what’s going on in our world is in fact to cry and scream before moving along to figure things out. At least that way we’ll know what we really feel. How do we model navigating our own sense of overwhelm for our kids? Maybe we just live in the moment with them.

I live with teenagers so I know about the emo phase. I’ve been a teenager myself, I remember what it was like to feel a constant sense of angst driven by all the raging hormones and change happening. I just didn’t know what to do with any of these emotions, so I just pushed through in the name of productivity. As you can imagine, I’ve paid a price for this behavior and I’ve been on my own journey to learn to pay attention to the energy and emotions I bring into any space. It’s been both freeing and challenging.

The other night, Riley and I wanted a documentary about what’s destroying the oceans (Seaspiracy). Spoiler alert, it’s humans, mostly due to overconsumption driving the fishing industry. She cares a lot about animals and the environment, so when I asked her if she wanted to hang out this is what she chose to do. (Pro-tip: if your teenage daughter offers to hang out with you, it’s an automatic yes). After watching the doc, I could tell that she was disturbed and overwhelmed about the scope of the problem. I reminded her that while no one person can do everything, everyone can do something. So we talked about what’s the one thing we can do as a family, and that seemed to help. At the end of our conversation I could tell though that she wasn’t fully convinced. In that moment I realized that it wasn’t my job to convince her that everything would be alright. What she needed most right then, was for me to sit with her in the heaviness of that moment. So I did. And while it was difficult, it also led to a beautiful moment of connection with my daughter. Maybe this emo phase won’t be so bad after all.