Yesterday we loaded up the van and made our semi-annual drive up the mountains to a cabin that we love. It’s been our place of refuge for years now, not one that we own, but a space that we return to so often that it feels like home. Within hours we were seated around a fire enjoying our first of what I hope to be many movies this week. Last night’s selection was: Wild Robot, which I now highly recommend. There were so many gut busting moments packed into this heartwarming tale. No spoilers here, but the movie was essentially about a futuristic robot that overcomes its internal programming to adapt to life in the wild. Along the way Roz develops a sense of agency that didn’t seem to exist before. It left me thinking about the ways in which we can choose to overcome our own programming, and what we gain as a result.

Something instructive happens to our family when we travel anywhere together, we catch a glimpse of ourselves at our best and our worst. Initially the excitement of going on a journey has everyone hyped for a new experience. Everyone is in a good mood, willing to do all the extra little things. The girls fold their laundry and pack because they see a direct purpose connected to their activity. I personally experience a high from the process of planning and preparing for a trip. But usually, by the day of our departure, the stress of making a list and checking it twice has frayed my nerves. Samantha runs interference, keeping everyone calm and excited as my own mood deteriorates.

Perhaps its a paternalistic thing, I’m a dad used to packing up the van by myself (bikes and dog included), while carrying the phycological burden of worrying about protecting my wife and four daughters every time we travel. I’ve gotten better over the years, but I still fall into my original pattern (i.e. programming from my previous experiences, cultural, social, and personality wiring), that everything depends on me. Of course this isn’t true. I could ask for help. I have plenty of evidence to suggest that in fact, things work out better when I let others help… but it’s an uphill battle every time to remember. That’s the thing about programming, it’s can take just as long to unlearn what’s become learned behavior.

But when we arrive… it’s like a breath of fresh air and I start to transform into the person I always aspire to become. It takes me a little while to settle in, but once I do, I like the chill version of me too. Still, the journey to getting here (both literally and metaphorically), is a long road. For the girls, I get to see them cooperate and play together more. It’s becoming harder to manufacture opportunities for them to do this given their age spreads (we have a 15, 12, 9, and 6 year old). But when I get to see them playing cards or fooseball, or we venture out of the cabin to hike up the mountains… we each get to see a more relaxed side of one another. I think that’s healthy for all of us. Sure, the girls likely know me as a fairly intense dad who works a lot and maybe is more stern than they would like (Damn these genes, I really have turned into my own father!). But, there’s another side of me that they also get to see when we travel. A more playful, lighthearted, carefree side. Both are real, both are me. I’m just paying more attention to how I show up these days, and the impact on the folks I love. Fortunately, like Roz, I too can transcend my programming to higher levels of consciousness.

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