Everyone seems to be proceeding under the assumption that their luck is guaranteed once they’ve hit… I don’t know… middle class. No one seems to understand that everyone’s life hangs by a thread. Kate Bowler from her book, No Cure for Being Human.

Last week I experienced what my dad’s friend calls, a show stopper. We were hit with the news that a close family friend who had been dealing with cancer was possibly taking a turn for the worst. I was already in an emotionally fragile place, what with a week of graduations, milestones, and transitions. This news put me over the edge. Suddenly I found myself crying uncontrollably on my back patio with my wife as I processed the news.

You make plans, and then… nothing happens according to those plans, I spoke bitterly. How unfair right?

If I’m being honest, I’d been feeling on the verge of this kind of emotional release for a while. I mean, it was about this particular situation, and like many emotional outbursts, it was about so much more. I’ve spent the better part of the past year and a half trying to build a company in fits and starts. It’s been frustrating, and at times anxiety ridden. And yet, I wouldn’t trade anything for my journey right now.

Another quote from Kate: Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Be a little afraid.

Kate would know. Diagnosed with an incurable form of cancer over a decade ago, she wrote her first book, Everything Happens for a Reason (And Other Lies I’ve Loved). She’s since written several other books, mostly exploring the religious absurdity that comes with living life as if we have all the answers.

For anyone who grew up in a faith tradition that taught everything happens for a reason, while also trying to explain away the pain, trauma, and heartache of life, her writing is a response to that. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people try to ignore reality because of their inability to deal with the cognitive dissonance that comes with living. More than one thing can be true at a time. Things can be both difficult and beautiful. You can demonstrate courage while being afraid. Life is more than the false binaries we offer ourselves.

I do worry about what will happen next. I wish I had more control. I’m sure all of us do. I definitely have more questions than answers, and that’s uncomfortable. So that’s what I find myself sitting with these days, unresolved tension. Meanwhile, I wait for resolution and do my next right in the meantime. Fortunately I don’t wait alone, that’s why we have community.

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