Today I watched a friend memorialize his wife in front of a crowd of people gathered to celebrate her life and legacy. Side note, I don’t know where he summoned the energy, but such is the alchemy of a healing community. In his grief, he somehow ministered to all of us.

He spoke about his season as his wife’s caregiver, how he would name the elephant in the room, and she would respond: “Yes, but did you see the giraffe? The butterfly? Those beautiful flowers?” Even in illness, she taught him, and now us, about perspective.

Our friend reminded us today that we all have a negativity bias, a tendency to magnify what’s wrong while failing to notice all the other magical things happening around us.

As I write this, I’m sitting in a living room full of unpacked bags after a late-night return from New Orleans. My to-do list is a mile long. Meanwhile, my wife, daughters, and sister-in-law are in the kitchen, laughing and talking. This is life right now. It’s messy. It’s unpredictable. And it’s magical, if I remember to notice.

A few months ago, spending every Saturday at my daughter’s track meets felt like a chore. The heat, the noise, the driving, it all felt like too much. But now in hindsight, I see it differently. Her siblings, parents, grandma, and auntie all showed up to cheer her on. That’s magic. The same kind that showed up during my older daughters’ volleyball season this fall. I’m learning that sports may be exhausting, but they also bring us together in ways that matter (that feels like a whole other blogpost!).

Here’s what I’m learning, magic isn’t the absence of mess. It’s what flickers in the middle of it.

We brought the girls to the service (their first experience at a home going service) because we wanted them to have the experience of processing their own grief in community. These are their childhood friends too who have lost a parent. They’re all grieving just the same as us. As they ran around with other kids afterward, I hope they felt it, that quiet, powerful pull of a community holding space for sorrow and joy. Now that’s magical.

Life is hard. And beautiful. And fleeting. Don’t miss the magic. It’s all around you.

Thank you Austin and Fantasia for reminding us to go find it everyday.

SDW3