I’m writing this from the front seat of my minivan, parked outside my daughter’s basketball practice. Last week, they got me—practice ended at 7:30 and I came empty-handed. Fool me once! This time, I’m armed with a book, my laptop, snacks, water, and even a change of shoes.

Come to think of it… I have been spending a lot of time back in my van since the school year started. While I’ve been tempted to complain about this state of affairs infringing upon my own leisure time, there’s a silver lining that I’m leaning into. Pick ups and drop offs = quality time, if I play my cards right.

Car rides are comedy gold. With four daughters between 7 and 15, the conversations range from absurd to profound—often in the same sentence. Today’s ride was a perfect example of why I wouldn’t trade my Daddy Uber duties for anything.

You never know what they’re going to say.

When they’re in a talkative mood, you can’t shut them up. This usually happens when they pile into the van after-school with all that end of day pent up energy. They climb in yelling and screaming and before I’ve pulled out of the parking lot conversations are already happening. That’s where the magic begins. Today for example within minutes I’d heard, didn’t I tell you this morning that nothing frightens me? (that came from the youngest daughter, talking to her classmate who carpooled today with us). You know what? She’s kind of right.

At the same time on the back row there was this gem of a conversation going on: You’re so selfish because you never listen to anything I say. You do what everyone else says, but never what I say. That one was courtesy of London who is continually embroiled in a middle child battle with her fellow middle sibling Olivia. I call them our Venus and Serena of the Wakefield sisters. London thrives off of the competition with her older sister, constantly trying to out duel her in anything. Meanwhile, Olivia is perpetually annoyed at her little sister’s virtual existence.

Olivia’s one line retort: Fine. Fine. Want me to play the game again where I do exactly what you say for a whole day to prove I listen? Eventually London told her to go on voice rest and Olivia proceeded to remain silent for the rest of the car ride to volleyball practice. That girl knows how to make a point!

Sometimes they make you laugh, sometimes they make you grimace, but their conversations are never lacking entertainment value.

You have a captive audience.

Admitedly, this might be my favorite because it’s one of the ways I can *easily* get my teenage daughters to open up. I have a rule, when we’re driving from practice of some sort they can’t be on their phone. So they have to chat. Olivia is naturally chatty so we can quickly get into deep conversations about everything ranging from her favorite shows and music to her hopes and dreams for her future.

Riley on the other hand loves to hit me with those one word or single sentence answers. How was school? Fine. What was the best part of your day? It was all the same. What are you looking forward to this week? Nothing. The first question was a throw away, but the latter two are fire. I should get better responses right?

But, I’ve noticed that when I have her one on one or even with a friend, then she opens up. Yesterday I got a whole conversation out of her about the AP African American Studies course she’s going to take (albeit because I recommended it, but i didn’t even know she was going to do it!) Or this gem of new information about how even though she likes golf, she’s not really interested anything besides mini golf or Top Golf. And here I was getting ready to encourage her to join a golf team. I learn all kinds of new things about my kids often in these moments of uninterrupted, quiet listening in the car.

Those magical teachable moments.

London left last week’s practice on cloud 9. She’d gotten a shout out from her coaches and like any competitive athlete, she enjoyed it but was mostly dwelling on the negatives. She didn’t dribble well. She only won one race. She wasn’t the best player, yet. I like to joke, she hates losing more than she likes winning. And she loves winning. So this provided us some one on one time on the way home to talk about how she was processing both the praise and the drive to continue to get better. She’s new to this sport, but she’s got a lot of growing to do.

It was timely, actionable feedback that she could apply right away to how she would approach the next practice. And, she was in the headspace to listen and receive it. That’s like the holy grail of parenting. Sometimes these teachable moment windows only open up on the car ride home from a game, practice, or event, where some life lesson has occurred. It’s up to us to catch the moment and maximize it while it’s still there.

So yes, I could be at home with my feet up, but right now, I’m exactly where I need to be. And I’m making the most of every mile.

SDW3