Suffering makes us question everything.  But so does joy. – Kate Bowler

You know those moments where it feels like you’re really living? Where you wonder, wait, is this what life is really all about? Maybe everything good and bad is worth it after all.

I had one of those moments last night while driving home with my family.

And to think, I started the day barely registering what I have. It just goes to show you how joy works, it finds you when you’re looking the other way, and suddenly you’re questioning everything. But in the best possible way. More of this, please.

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We were celebrating my daughter Olivia’s birthday and we’d just left the movies where we’d seen The Devil Wears Prada 2. Big fans, most of us loved the first one, and half of us enjoyed the second one. Not the littles though, half way through the movie they were literally falling out of their theater recliners from boredom. But, Olivia and I had some great moments as we chatted it up throughout the movie. She really is a good hang. Good thing there weren’t a lot of people there because we were definitely a loud and disruptive family. And there’s 6 of us!

On the ride home Olivia requested to control the playlist since it was her birthday. Usually that’s my job (I’m the driver after all). But, I was game. Though it was late on a warm summer night, the conditions were all ripe for some shenanigans. Besides, with my family, I knew where this was going. It was carpool karaoke, Wakefield edition. After all, who doesn’t love a good sing along?

Fine, but I have two rules: the songs must either be upbeat or a big ballad that all of us can belt out together. And with that response, so began our van ride home at 9:30pm on a summer night with Bruno Mars Marry Me blasting through the speakers. My wife’s health app alerted her that in 30 minutes she was supposed to be in bed to meet her sleep goals. I laughed when she told me, because obviously she was no where near her bed. Instead we were driving down the road making memories. She might even sleep better after all of this.

As we drove down the road singing our hearts out to Hamilton, The Greatest Showman, and Wicked (we do a lot of showtunes), we were having a moment. Time stood still, and I just soaked it all up. Suddenly nothing else mattered. Nobody was fussing or whining. We weren’t thinking about what we had to do next. Everyone was just fully and boisterously present. I’m constantly worried about what won’t work out, or the other shoe dropping, but in moments like these, I get to remember that sometimes things do work out.  Sometimes the other shoe doesn’t drop, but instead everything falls right into place.  Sometimes, miracles do happen and you get your happy ending after all and you’re singing showtunes in a minivan when it happens.

After a hard season, joy can feel almost disorienting. In moments of suffering, we ask questions like why? Why would this happen? What kind of God would let this person die or that dream fall a part? Oftentimes the answers, if they come, don’t feel satisfactory.

But in moments of joy, we ask a different question. It usually starts with wonder, and in the excitement of it all we ask, how? How can this be possible? With everything that’s going on in the world? With all of the odds seemingly stacked against us? That’s when joy finds us when we least expect it. And when we find joy, when we stumble across it on a perfect summer night, it almost feels pre-ordained. Of course joy was always there, but how do we replicate that moment and that experience?

There may not be a formula for joy (do this and you’ll find it), but there are conditions that can set the stage for us to experience joy. For any parent of teenagers you know that simply playing music in a car doesn’t automatically turn into a shared jam session. The stars have to align, the mood (their mood to be more precise) has to be optimal, and a million little miracles of the right song, at the right time, in the right place have to come together. But you can be open to it. You can let the moment envelope you before you rush past it to whatever’s next. You can resist the urge to play God, which as we’ve all learned, is not our job anyway.

Joy doesn’t wait for the perfect conditions. It just shows up when it wants to.

Our only job is to notice.

SDW3